


What's the Point of a Robot That Can't Fuck?

by Yelir61



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Robot Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29803395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yelir61/pseuds/Yelir61
Summary: Miu has a bone to pick with Keebo's creators.
Relationships: Iruma Miu/K1-B0
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	What's the Point of a Robot That Can't Fuck?

Keebo was often glad that Miu was not his creator.

This was in no way because he doubted her expertise. Miu Iruma was one of the most brilliant engineers he had ever met. Indeed, Miu might actually be more brilliant than the entire team that had created him combined. In the short time they had known each other, she had suggested and implemented countless tiny fixes and tweaks that had solved problems Keebo didn’t even know he had had. Curious aches and hitches had vanished; and his movements felt much more fluid then they had before. More...natural, he supposed you’d call it. She really was quite remarkable.

It was when Miu suggested entirely new features that Keebo was reminded of how different his life would be, were she his creator. “C’mon, think about it for a second!” she complained. “A few additional motors in each finger joint, maybe a few in the palm, and wham! Instant orgasm factory!”

“No thank you,” Keebo said politely. “I do not believe such additions are necessary.”

“Ugh!” Miu flopped down on the blanket they were sitting on. They had decided to take their lunch break together outside, near the small pond and patch of grass the university had deemed a park. Or rather, Keebo had decided to, and done everything short of dragging Miu away from her workbench. He admired her drive, but the inventor did not spend nearly enough time outdoors. Too little sunlight was unhealthy. “The motherfuckers that designed you really screwed you over,” she ranted. “Who the hell creates intelligent life, and doesn’t give it a way to fuck?!”

“What would the purpose of allowing me to have sex be?” Keebo asked curiously. “I am an artificial lifeform. I cannot reproduce through natural means. And if I were given such an ability, it would almost certainly be deemed a security risk.”

“I’m not talking about making babies, you idiot!” Miu said heatedly. “I’m talking about fucking! You think kids are the only reason people wanna get pounded?”

“Well, no,” Keebo said carefully. “I would not say that people always chose to have sex to have children. But that is the primary biological reason, is it not?”

Miu groaned. “Holy shit, you’re dense! Look, I like kids! Kids are great! But the point of sex is to feel good! To blow off steam, relieve stress! Not gonna fucking tell me you don’t feel stress, are ya?”

“No, I would not claim any such thing,” Keebo conceded. “I do experience stress.”

“There you go!” Miu said triumphantly. “Since you can’t fuck, all that shit’s just building up inside you. One of these days, you’re just gonna explode!”

“That seems...unlikely,” Keebo said skeptically. “Many people do not have sex.”

“Yeah, maybe not with other people. Soda sure as shit ain’t getting laid,” Miu said dismissively. “But you can bet that dude is cranking it every chance he gets! You can’t even do that!”

“Miu, many people do not have sex or masturbate,” Keebo said patiently. “Asexuality is a valid lifestyle choice.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Miu said, waving irritably. “But at least those guys have got a choice! You don’t even have that!” She sat up to face him, cupping her breasts and pushing them together. “Are you seriously telling me you’ve never wanted something to stick between these tiddies?”

Keebo stared at Miu’s chest. They did appear to be very soft…”I-I have thought about it,” he admitted. “But-it is really quite foolish. Such an...appendage...would serve no practical function.”

Miu rolled her eyes. “God, your memory is shit for a robot! I just fucking told you fucking relieves stress! You’re lucky you’re hot, or I wouldn’t even bother talking to you!”

Keebo felt his forehead tentatively. “I am at my normal operating temperature,” he said, confused.

“Hot as in well-designed, you damn idiot,” Miu said tiredly. “I would have made you sexier, of course, but you’re still a solid seven outta ten. And unlike some regular human jackass, you can always get better.”

Keebo considered this for a moment. It was true that his ability to improve was arguably one of his best features. Even in the short time he had known Miu, she had made him faster, stronger, and more agile. Who knew what he might eventually become? “You are correct,” he said with a nod. “Thank you, Miu.”

Miu frowned. “For what?”

“Your suggestions and improvements. You have helped me become a better version of myself, and I am very grateful.”

“Well...yeah. I-I am a genius, y’know,” Miu said hesitantly. For someone so outwardly arrogant, the inventor was remarkably awkward when it came to receiving compliments. “S’not like it was a big deal. Coulda done all that shit in my sleep.”

“It is a big deal!” Keebo insisted, reaching out to take Miu’s hand. She yelped and stared at him, wide-eyed. “You have greatly improved my quality of life! You have been a wonderful friend to me, Miu!”

“H-hey! Knock it off with the mushy shit,” Miu said nervously. “And gimme my hand back!” She tried to tug it away, but Keebo maintained his grip. Without Miu’s enhancements, he wouldn’t have been able to do so.

“And since you’ve done so much for me,” Keebo continued. “I feel...I feel as though I should take your suggestion seriously.”

Miu stopped trying to pull her hand away. “Wait. You saying you’re fine with me giving you a dick?” she asked eagerly.

Keebo sighed, though doing so served no practical purpose. “I...yes, I suppose that is what I am saying. I admit, I have wondered what sexual intercourse might be like. And...all the other improvements you have given me have inarguably been useful. It would be unwise of me to refuse.”

Miu cackled, her previous embarrassment forgotten. “Fuck yeah! I’ve already got so many awesome ideas! How many dicks do you want? How long do you want ‘em? I was thinking nine inches, but we can definitely go longer! Vibrations settings go without saying, but do you want ‘em prehensile? What are you thinking, width-wise? What fluid-”

“Just-just a moment!” Keebo stuttered. “I-I just want an ordinary sexual organ for now! Nothing too extreme! If I enjoy sexual intercourse, maybe I will consider something more...unusual.”

Miu sighed. “Fiiiiiiiine. Boring, but it beats being a fucking eunch. Who’re you gonna bang, anyways?”

Keebo blinked. “Excuse me?”

“What, was that shit too complicated for ya?” Miu said sarcastically. “Here, lemme put it in robospeak: who are you planning to experience sexual incourse with?”

Keebo’s grip on Miu’s hand tightened a little. “Oh! Well…”

“It’s not Soda, is it? Cause, I don’t want anything I’ve designed to end up inside Soda.”

“No!” Keebo said, appalled. “No, I’m not-no! I-I was hoping...that is, when you brought the matter up, I assumed...um…” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I appear to have misunderstood.”

“Misunderstood what?”

“I-I thought that you were suggesting that I gain the ability to have sex because...well. Because you were interested in having sex with me.”

Miu stared at him dumbly for a minute, before her face went red. “W-w-what?!” she spluttered. “You and-and me?! You-you wanna have sex with...me?”

“...Yes?” Keebo said uncertainly. “I thought that you would be amenable to the notion.”

“Why the hell would you think that?!”

“Because you talk about sex constantly? Because you have made many appreciative remarks about my body? Was my conclusion incorrect?”

“Christ. For a dude who’s got no dick, you sure have some balls!” Miu said angrily. “Show a lady a little romance, alright? Couldn’t you have asked me on a date first, or something?”

“We are having a picnic and holding hands. Does this not constitute a date?”

“You’re holding my hand!” Miu said heatedly, though she didn’t try and pull it away again. “Fucking moron. I can’t believe I’m gonna to have sex with you.”

“Well...I mean, you don’t have to…”

“No, I’m gonna!” Miu said insistently. “But if I’m gonna be riding your dick, I get a say in its design!”

Keebo smiled. “That seems entirely fair. Thank you, Miu.” He leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the cheek.

Miu’s body instantly went rigid. “I-what-!” she spluttered, her face scarlet. As she began to complain, Keebo's smile grew wider. There was something very appealing about seeing Miu blushing and embarrassed. If this was part of having sex, he though he might find it an enjoyable experience.


End file.
